This one is of me, before I was "Kam". Since, I went back to Korea in 2010 to visit my orphanage and foster mother, I've been wanting to illustrate some of the moments I experienced while there, but life catches up to you and nine months later I'm only starting to think about that time again.
Tracing steps I never knew was truly a wonderful and fantastically surreal experience, and something I don't take for granted. I was an orphan until about 4 years of age, but never realized how long 4 years is to a child until I stepped back in time. I never realized how much to-and-fro I did in the first year of my life. I had no stability, no home, no one who called me their own. I was just another child in the crowd who shared the same quandary with those around them.
The first 4 years of a child's life are supposed to be crucial, and the most important, and while there I remembered trying to get a sense of what I may have been like years ago in my birth town. Through paperwork that listed my traits and now visual sensory, I tried to mentally piece together my life in Korea. I would imaginatively superimpose my 4 year old body running around in the streets of my orphanage, and for some reason this memory always includes me running around iwith a ball. While growing up I never really thought much of Korea while, so I didn't spend my life hating that I was adopted and accepted my adoptive family as my actual family...but, surely there were always remnants of my past memories seeping beneath my skin. I'm sure. Memories that I could only appreciate as an adult.
I have a ton of footage from that trip (Korea and Thailand), too, and plan to compile it in a little video montage. I hope to do this soon. After doing this piece I realized I'd like to later do a series of lil orphan Kam. In this illustration the korean hangul (alphabet) writing is my korean name, Young Eun Kim. It was an amazing and unforgettable experience and I have to share it here soon. I keep saying "soon". I think I should rename my blog SOON.
I keep saying I am going to update here, but I'm afraid I haven't been very good about it lately. There is definitely plenty happening and I feel busier than ever with endeavors and projects flying around me, summoning me. I think Jason thinks I'm crazy with the level of work or ambitions I give myself. I can't help it. My body limits me, but most of the time I have to work just that much harder to maintain the level or standard that I did before...still, it can get tiring, for sure, but I just don't know any other way. I feel like I'm running a never ending marathon with no water breaks, but at the same time I'm not prepared to sit around and do nothing...waiting...being sad or hoping for it to get better. Not that I don't have my sad days. I most definitely do. I'm just not built that way, I guess. I don't believe in that. Hope can only meet you halfway. It's a symbiotic relationship. You can't hope to become more successful, if you don't work hard. You can't hope that the world had better people in it, if you yourself don't care about others, or the cliche saying, who said it?, you can't hope to win the lottery, if you've never bought a ticket. And, you can't hope that your friend will get better, if you've never helped them. Just waiting around can cause "death".
However tiring, I think I would rather reach the end of my life, really tired from living out too many ambitions or for others, than well rested, living leisurely and just for myself.
A time of alot of changes in many aspects...professionally and personally...some that requires picking a new direction where new opportunities and new experiences await, and other changes that I don't really get to pick, but forced to adapt to... Crossroads, if you will. I have a bunch of updates waiting to be posted...I wish I had more time to post here.
Until then, lately I've gotten back to illustrating and should probably upload them here. This one is my most recent. I woke up this morning and immediately my arms began to talk to me. They felt heavy. Heavier than yesterday. I don't like feeling my arms weaken. It's an experience I'm not sure I could describe. Everything is in slow motion, but at the same speed. This is no fun ride and I'm doing my best to tell myself everything will be ok. Though, the feeling is a similar experience to my legs, it's different in its own right. My arms feel heavy, like dead weights hanging and every so often another sand bag gets added waiting for the breaking point. I dislike this feeling immensely. I feel like I have no choice, even though at times I like to dissect and see if somewhere a choice is hidden. Instead, it tells me, "You have no say in this...just wait". I sense the convergence where my arms meet my shoulders and it feels considerable. So, this is how I could visually communicate the feeling, bags of sand weighing down what already feels like a wooden body....
Well, the project has come to a close...almost. At least as far as the website and material...I am done!
B4K succeeded its $20,000 goal and we are still going. This week the team found out that we are finalists in ABC7's Pay it Forward Contest. ABC7 gives seven (soCal) people, $7,000 and they pay it forward to a worthy non profit organization that will do something good with it.
We find out if our lil B4K wins May 23rd. I have to fly back down to LA in a couple days for the ABC7 interview. Anyways, I will give a better update later. I have alot to share...the problem is always getting here to share it ;).
Meanwhile, I did a final B4K wrap up post for all those who supported and obviously for the guys who did the bike ride. Below is a compilation video I put together of their 500 miles using their mobile phone and handlebar footage.
Continue Reading my "Final Words" for B4K's final post....
The guys crossed the Santa Monica Pier finish line Saturday, April 30 @ 3pm. 6 days, 500 miles.
Today, we also offically reached our 20K goal and numbers are still rising. I've been away from my blog for awhile now, but I will be back soon. I kind of wished I would have kept up with my blog during the creating of this bike project, because alot happened and there were moments that were really tough and moments that were really amazing. I said it before, but working on a project where you yourself is the subject can be difficult, trying and sometimes I was surprised and sometimes it was all too real to me. Odd, since for the past 4 years I have been no stranger to putting my life out there. If I can, I will write down some of my thoughts here at a later date, but until then read the final days of the guy's bike ride. It was great.
I copied and pasted their Day FOUR - Day SIX online bike journal from our website. Read about their journey.