GREENGREENGRASS

Humor in struggle

There is humor in every struggle.  Sometimes, I wished I had a camera on me.  I feel like some of the moments are too good not to share.  Even though it may bring about frustration or momentary despair, the positions I get into when doing the simplest of tasks is cockamamy and befuddling.

Like, just now as I walked over to my wheelchair to get into it, so I can wheel myself out of the house, to the curb to wait for my ride.  I let go over my walker and as I lowered myself into the chair while gripping onto the kitchen table for dear life, I somehow missed and only an 1/8" of my butt caught the seat.  I'm not sure as to how this is possible...well...because, I have a quite a bit of mass on my bottom.

Nevertheless, my heart stopped, my defunct legs stretched out and with my back slowly giving out on me, my neck was having a hard time holding my neck up.  

"Lovely ceiling", I thought.

I could feel myself slipping out of the chair  "Shit, I don't want to miss my ride to therapy", I thought as my limp body laid there holding on for dear life.

"I only have one shot...If I mess up then I'm on the ground and there is no way I can get back up."

I have to get creative and use every piece of my body and brain to push myself up.  My movements are merely millimeters, but all contribute to the grand success.  My legs are dead and I cannot move them to help give rise to 1/8" butt covered surface to say, about a 1/2".  I do my very, very non-sexy grunt and groan, and plain upset in general that I have to be in the situation...But, seconds count as loud as any siren.

I don't know how I achieve getting out of these situations, but once I do, nothing smells as sweet as that victory.  So, size doesn't matter.  It's relative.  It's small, yet big...and afterwards I celebrate alone...

sometimes, too happy to stop and be upset about it

sometimes, with a couple tears

sometimes, it's with laughter or humor...

sometimes, Suntory time??

Even though it's hard, you never know yourself better or have more of an intimate moment with yourself than in the stillness of a struggle surrounded by tumultuous placidity.

and now, I'm on my way out to catch my bus to therapy.

 

Where'd all the food go?

I know, there are always pictures of food on here, so where did they all go?

I've barely been posting any food pics, because I've barely cooked since moving back to LA.  Embarrassingly, I probably could count on one hand how many times I've cooked in the past 3 months and more embarrassing I've only opened my house once to friends to participate in eating  my efforts.  It's been a combination of adjusting to a new home, the setting up of logistics for me to be mobile, getting home late every night from physical therapy, being busy with work and traveling back for both of my brother's weddings...and well, I must admit I'm just a little intimidated by my new  kitchen.

I don't know her as well.  The layout is something my body needs to adjust to.  There's extra steps, wider alley, counters are slightly lower and we need to learn how to work well with each other.  I need to absorb a new routine and a new way to move around her.  To cook in mass proportion a whole lot of planning needs to happen and I need to gauge myself in order to accomplish everything I set out to do.  Which means, space time out to allow extra time than is usually required for an able bodied person, take appropriate breaks (as you can see me sitting in the chair above) and above all have fun.  If it's not fun, it's not worth it.  If you really care or want something then the standards you set can be achieved...despite the struggles.

Before I left to go back to Michigan, at the last minute, we did decide to make a bunch of food and have some friends over.  The great thing about the new space, and one of my hopeful requirements when searching for a home, is enough space to have people over for food.  I think 20 people came over and above is all the food I made...from scratch.  I made 8 homemade pizzas, 2 pans of ratatouille lasagna, piles of meatballs, huge salad...etc.  At the end of it I never know how I made it through, but if you want it you have to plow through it.  It was two days worth of cooking and it was great getting back into it.  It was more work than I had estimated, as usual, but it's great exercise and what better way to "exercise" when it's for friends.  I barely ate my food, as usual, but I did drink ;).

I always say it, but I love people coming over and I love the place messy after a great big party.  It means people had fun.  It's a huge project and there is a satisfaction from successfully completing it . I'll try to get back into my cooking and having people over when things settle.  I miss it. 

With that, I know what you are thinking..."How the hell can she cook all that but in the previous post went on how it took an hour to make a cup of instant ramen soup?"