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A recurring dream.
There are more than a handful of dreams that I have had since childhood and most of them have evolved over time and all are unpleasant. I was a little hesitant to share this one. Dreams are so personal and if it fits into a certain box people assume the meaning of your dream. For teeth falling out I believe it's something like anxiety of appearance, how you look to someone else or the sense of loss of control. With sharing such popular dream themes I hesitated, because one, it's personal and two, it leaves an opening for assumption. Alas, I share, because I guess I don't care what other people think and we all have dreams that contain revealing elements about us.
I'm not sure the whole teeth thing is a vanity thing, but you never know. It's weird that it's one of those dreams that I've had since I was a kid. These dreams that I've had since childhood are usually ongoing and evolving and truly frightening. I'll save the gory details. I believe I have always had a phobia about losing my teeth. Not to the extent where I'm obsessive compulsive about brushing or flossing. I don't do that. They fall out, I chew them and it feels so real, it turns into powder and all of the above. The dream is not so traditional where it is only about teeth falling out, this particular dream has other strong elements involved. Call it that I was fully aware of people around me that had lost their teeth at a young age, including my mother, and would observantly watch as they removed their teeth at night. Call it fear of loss or whatever...I don't really care to get analytical about it or told what I need to do less or more of, I'm just sharing. I thought it would make for a cool illustration and express something different. I may illustrate some of these frequent and long lived dreams.
As I've gotten older I realize most of these recurring dreams are built around the fear of loss and abandonment, which is strange since I always thought that being adopted never really bothered me. I handled it with ease and though, like every child, I went through the stages of trying to fit in and on top of that in an all very white community, but it never really seemed to seep in me so deeply where it paralyzed me socially or emotionally. But, I'm sure it has wormed its way into my subconscious and it's there. The dreams I've had since childhood, a few of those are B.A. (before America). Before I was adopted and had a childhood in Korea, a childhood I know nothing about or even remember, perhaps has lived in my dreams throughout the years. Who knows. I try not to overly think it and I certainly don't want to waste time whining over it, because I had a decent childhood. But, alas, these dreams I've had since then kind of speak to me and perhaps would work well in illustration form since the fear of loss actually came true in a very visual and real form--the loss of my own body. The fear of loss and abandonment, I, like everyone else, hate to publicly list or share my fears, but hey, we all have them so I guess there is nothing to feel embarrassed about.
I might as well express, prior to hibm, I was not one to sit and pour out all my feelings. In fact, I hate such things and was quite the opposite. My mother would fight with me for hours to express myself...why did I do what I did, what was I thinking, what did I have to say for myself, but I would hold it all in and my lips would stay sealed. I always saw myself as extremely introverted, which is funny, because most people that know me now would laugh in my face, but I was always in thought and considered myself more of a loner in life. I'd rather keep to myself, because isn't it safer that way? But, as you get older, it's no longer about safety, I suppose. We all have a story to tell and from its angle, it's interesting and real and deserving of being shared.
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